Paul Levy writes in Slate today about his decision to “opt out of the macho food-writing movement.”

Great! That means there’s a spot open, so I’m opting in. No more vegetable bullshit for me. Only real man food. Here’s what I have penciled in for the few days.

**Thursday:** Leave Iris in the care of my rottweiler while I slaughter an 800-pound wild boar with my bare hands and turn it into the finest charcuterie. Feed the head cheese to Iris and the dog for snack. Use any leftovers to win the Salumi Salami Challenge.

**Friday:** Take Iris to school, fireman-carry style, with three links of blood sausage in her lunch. Then head to Metropolitan Grill to trail in the kitchen, cutting steaks. Accidentally sever thumb. Grill thumb to perfection and serve it to the chef, flipping him the (unsevered) bird as I pack my knives and go. Pick up Iris after school.

**Saturday and Sunday:** The weekend! Enjoy continuous beer and fellatio.

This month on [Culinate](http://www.culinate.com/):

[Quality time: How important is family dinner, anyway?](http://www.culinate.com/read/bacon/family_dinner)

> “If I could wave a magic wand to make a dent in the substance-abuse problem, I would make sure that every child in America had dinner with his or her parents at least five times a week. There is no more important thing a parent can do,” states CASA president Joseph Califano in the introduction to the report. (If he had an actual magic wand, wouldn’t he use it to just get rid of drugs altogether? Just wondering.)

I tried to do for “family dinners prevent drug abuse” what Harold McGee did for “searing meat seals in the juices.” Please let me know how I did in the comments over at Culinate–especially if you disagree.

No doubt you’ve suspected as much, but it’s time to admit it. I’ve been neglecting this blog in favor of something else.

That something else is called HUNGRY MONKEY, and it will be published by Harcourt Trade Publishers in spring 2009. It will be based on the blog, but with at least 75 percent new material, including recipes. If I post even less frequently than usual over the next six months, it’s because I am tending to the monkey. You will still find me regularly on [Serious Eats](http://www.seriouseats.com/) and [Culinate](http://www.culinate.com/), as well as monthly in Seattle Magazine and occasionally in the Sunday Seattle Times.

I have some thank-yous to dole out, but I doubt anyone wants to read the acknowledgments section of a book that won’t be out for a year and a half, and I’m afraid of leaving someone out. So thanks to everyone involved, and I will try not to mention the book again until you can pre-order it.

Where did I put that soapbox? I know it’s around the tool shed somewhere. Ah.

For a project I’m working on, I’ve been reading a bunch of baby food books. Tonight it’s The Petit Appetit Cookbook by Lisa Barnes.

Most of what is written about parenting is classic wishful thinking. Take this, from _Petit Appetit_:

> The wider the variety of tastes and textures you introduce to your baby early on, the more foods they’ll eat and enjoy as children and later adults. This also means that if they are offered healthy foods from a young age, they will choose those same foods as they age.

As a former classroom teacher, I’m tempted to ask for a show of hands of who believes this to be true. Anyone? I don’t think Barnes even believes it. After all, as she writes on an earlier page, two- to three-year-olds “may refuse past favorite foods.”

Don’t get me wrong. Obviously I think you should introduce your baby to a wide variety of foods. It’s convenient and fun. But will it make them into an adventurous three-year-old? Not a chance. Why do people keep saying this, anyway?