G.P.

In my imagination, I am starring in a new Food Network show called _Gourmet Prowler._ On each episode, I break into someone’s house and have to make myself a gourmet meal of whatever I find in their kitchen.

I came up with this idea because there are eight legs of duck confit aging in the fridge, and I pointed out to Laurie that this would constitute the jackpot for any gourmet prowler. I’ll let you know how the confit turns out in a couple weeks when it’s ready.

P.S.: The confit is aging in the traditional vessels of Gascony, made by _La Jeune Fille de Caoutchouc._

14 thoughts on “G.P.

  1. Wendy

    It like HOUSE, MD for food! (Not that I think you’ll get that reference, but some of your other readers will, I reckon…)

    That’s a GREAT show. Or maybe the show-within-a-show in a slightly absurdist movie about reality/cooking shows.

  2. mamster Post author

    Wendy, we’ve watched every episode of House. Why would you expect otherwise, given what you know of my curmudgeonly and heathen ways? (Plus how I’m always curing the sick.)

  3. Maggi

    I remember FoodTV doing a similar show in the past. What was it… It had that annoying guy as the host… I remember! Doorknock Dinners.

    Maybe you could put a new spin on it and it will get picked up. I’ll bet you aren’t as annoying as that Elliot guy…

  4. ts

    You and Iris should have gotten the new NYTimes gig – I don’t think the 4 year old quivering lip gourmet is going to be my favorite character.

  5. matt wright

    A rather strange twist of fate.. I am just about to do 6 legs of confit.

    How many lbs of duck fat did you use? I have 4lb, but I am not sure it will be enough..

    Awesome idea for a show.. Course FN would completely bastardize it, and you would most likely have to put on a fake italian accent whenever you say an italian ingredient…

  6. mamster Post author

    I used 3 lb of duck fat and it was fine. I see the show as being a cross between Cops and Dinner Impossible. They would cut between me, in the dark kitchen, preparing my illicit dinner, and The Man, closing in.

  7. matt wright

    A holster with your latest fancy kitchen knife in no doubt!

    Do you then get to wake up the house owners, and shout “SURPRISE!!!!” at 2am, with duck confit on a plate?

  8. Wendy

    One time you could break into a summer camp kitchen before dawn and surprise everyone with a gourmet breakfast. I mean, in REAL LIFE you could do that. Or:

    “Matthew Amster-Burton has done the difficult: created gourmet meals from the pantries of unsuspecting beer-swilling bachelors and undernourished supermodels. But this time, he has to do the impossible: [cut to shot of campers going wild] Create a gourmet breakfast for 120 people… and THESE are his ingredients [cut to shot of generic biscuit mix, cheap bacon, and liquid egg product]. It’s Mamster’s biggest challenge yet–and we haven’t even mentioned the BEARS [cut to shot of angry bear menacing Mamster as he tries to pick the lock on the gate].”

  9. Caroline

    Several years ago, the Seattle Times (unless it was the P-I) did a “concept article” much like the Gourmet Prowler: Drag a few professional chefs to local supermarkets around 4 p.m. on a weekday, pick unsuspecting shoppers, and ask them, “Hey, we’re the local paper and we have these chefs in tow, so can we have them come to your house RIGHT NOW and make you dinner with only the things you have at home and in your cart here?”

    And then, of course, the paper reported on the results (the chefs were very good sports about it all) and the hapless shoppers mostly enjoyed their insta-gourmet fare. (Of course, I can’t find this story online anywhere right now. Bummer.)

    In other matters: “House” is a fun show but totally implausible (no real doc would tell his interns to burglarize a patient’s apartment to find out what medical secrets the patient isn’t telling them). And those traditional Gascony buckets — are they rubber? Because who the heck is the Little Rubber Girl (the brand name)?

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