I sure had high hopes for the corn zipper.
Look at the happy face on that little guy. “I am ready to strip your niblets from the cob,” it says. Unfortunately, I do a lot of corn stripping, and compared to a chef’s knife, it’s too slow. No Gold Niblet Award here.
Feel free to quote “I do a lot of corn stripping” out of context. It’s not like I’m in congress or anything.
Someone emailed me to ask whether they could doctor this photo of brussels sprouts to enter a Photoshop contest. I said sure. Here is the result. I have no idea what the joke is, but I hope it wins:
Today I was walking downtown and passed Tom Douglas’s new pizza place, Serious Pie, which I hadn’t even realized was open yet. When I say I passed it, I mean I went in and had a pizza. It was clam, pancetta, and lemon thyme, and it was very good, albeit very salty. It’s an expensive place, but when it comes to pizza, my philosophy is based on James Marshall’s.
James Marshall is the author of Yummers, a children’s book about a pig who eats too much, and one of Iris’s favorites. At one point in the book, Emily Pig eats three desserts at a soda fountain run by an octopus. That has nothing to do with the pizza; I just wanted to say “a soda fountain run by an octopus.” The relevant part of _Yummers_ is:
> While Eugene was waiting in line, Emily discovered the free pizza. “It’s so important to sample new products,” she said.
The pizza is served by a moose. The pizza at Serious Pie was not served by a moose, but when I got my bill, I noticed it said:
> Server: Chimpy
Serious Pie is at 4th and Virginia. The other pizzas available today were mozzarella and tomato; potato and rosemary; mushrooms and truffle cheese; peppers and sausage; and anchovy, olive, and tomato relish.
One of my favorite cookies is the carmelita, a 1968 Pillsbury Bake Off winner. I usually get them at Whole Foods, but the quality control isn’t great. I’ve often been known to fault them for poor structural integrity.
So, sometimes when Kraft caramels go on sale, I make carmelitas at home. The problem is, when you bring home a bag of Kraft caramels, you have to eat a few, and the usual recipe calls for a whole bag. Actually, the modern recipe calls for jarred caramel sauce, but my rule is that if you don’t put in the time unwrapping each caramel, you don’t deserve the carmelitas. Unless you get them at Whole Foods. You deserve everything at Whole Foods, because you’re awesome! I find loud music is best while unwrapping caramels.
Anyway, I was delighted to find a recipe on the net that calls for three-quarters of a bag of caramels. You can see how this recipe was developed. I made it, and the carmelitas were a little gooey, but there certainly weren’t any leftovers. Awesome!
**OATMEAL CARMELITA BARS**
Makes 16 bars
CRUST:
1 cup flour
1 cup quick cooking oats
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 cup butter, melted
FILLING:
1 cup (6 oz.) chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped pecans
3/4 bag caramels melted with 1/4 cup milk
Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine all ingredients for the crust. Stir well to form crumbs.
Place 1/2 of crumbs into the bottom of a 9-inch square pan. [*I used an 8-inch pan and it was fine.*] Bake for 10 minutes. Sprinkle with chocolate chips and pecans. Pour
caramel mix over chocolate pieces and pecans. Sprinkle with remaining
crumb mixture. Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool 1 to 2
hours. Cut into 16 bars.
I will try any new flavor of corn chip, no matter how stupid. Black Pepper Jack? Sign me up. Dill Pickle? OK.
I’ll try these things *once.* It’s impressively rare for one of these new flavors to become a standard. I do remember when they introduced Cool Ranch. That was a fine day. Also Chili Cheese Fritos. That was an even better day, assuming you were stoned.
Long story short, I brought home a back of Blazing Buffalo and Ranch Doritos. (Why not just “Blazing Buffalo Ranch”?) I wasn’t expecting much. The Black Pepper Jack is pretty terrible. But these are great. It’s basically Cool Ranch, only spicy. If there were a ballot, I’d vote to keep them. But, then, I would have voted to keep many other things, like Hershey’s Cookies and Mint Nuggets, the Monorail, and Wonderfalls, so the powers that be obviously aren’t counting my vote. Therefore, grab these Buffalo-style chips while you can.
