I’m a pretty good cook. I can work without a recipe. I am proficient with sauteing, frying, broiling, and steaming.

But I’ve never grilled.

That’s an exaggeration. When I was a teenager I used to take a couple of frozen Costco beef patties from the freezer, go out on the patio, and fire up the gas grill. When the patties were almost done, I’d throw on a couple slices of cheese, and toast the bun on the top rack of the grill. This wasn’t really cooking. “Really cooking” means there’s a chance you’re going down in flames. I did read something once about spiders nesting in the gas tubes and causing fiery death (of the griller as well as the spiders), which made the enterprise feel risky enough that I, a teenager, was drawn to it.

I ate quite a lot of these burgers. Sometimes I ate one *as a snack.* What they say about teenage boys is true. It’s the only time in my life I can remember having a big appetite, and I miss it; it would have come in handy during my restaurant critic days.

For all of my adult life I’ve lived in grill-incompatible apartments. We have a balcony here, and it’s technically legal to grill on it, but it wouldn’t be kind to our upstairs neighbors. That’s okay. I prefer pan-fried steaks to grilled ones, and it’s not hard to get grilled food when I go out to eat.

My grill fantasy is small-time. I want one of those small, rectangular grills used by Thai street vendors for satay and *moo ping* (pork on a stick). I love meat on a stick in all its forms, most of all satays with their lemongrass marinades and burnt edges. That Turkish dish that is like a wavy elongated meatball on a sword is awesome, too, and if anyone knows the name of it or even has any idea what I’m talking about, please comment.

What I really want isn’t a grill. I want a Thai street vendor to set up shop in front of my house. We could call our order off the balcony and send Iris down to the sidewalk with a couple bucks to pick up dinner. Papaya salad, an immodest number of satays, maybe a little lagniappe from the vendor’s Turkish friend. Iris needs to learn how to carry a sword sooner or later, anyway.

You know how I feel about corn. On the off-season, I sometimes turn to canned or frozen corn, but am usually disappointed. Canned tastes canned (which is actually a very nice thing in cornbread, to which I like to add a can of creamed corn), and frozen gets tough if you cook it for more than about twelve seconds. That’s a shame, because I like my corn cooked more like twelve minutes. My favorite thing to do with the stuff in summer is cook it off the cob in a skillet with bacon, scallions, and fresh jalapeños, until each kernel gets a little browned.

So imagine my delight when I found frozen roasted corn at Trader Joe’s. They roast the hell out of it *before* freezing. Many of the kernels are downright charred. It tastes like corn bacon. I made a quick succotash last week (thanks again, Cook’s Illustrated) with the TJ’s corn, lima beans, onion, red bell pepper, and a little tarragon. We ate it with the [catfish sandwiches](https://www.rootsandgrubs.com/2007/06/02/mamsters-in-the-market/), and there was plenty left over.

What else should I do with this blackened corn?

Two new food-related children’s books of note.

Where Is the Cake? (Thé Tjong-Khing)

A couple of opossums, or possibly mice, steal a cake from some dogs. Meanwhile, a little mouse loses her stuffed animal, and there’s a snake, and a family of ducks, and some weird transparent creatures that Iris says are not ghosts because “ghosts don’t have tails,” and a friendly dinosaur. Pure illustration, no words.

I’d Really Like to Eat a Child (Sylviane Donnio)

A baby crocodile would really like to a eat a child. There’s a funny surprise ending–although I guess a big illustration of a crocodile devouring a child would have been even more surprising. After looking at the lovely evocations of the crocodile family’s tropical home, I have to say I’d really like to put on a grass skirt.

P.S.: Despite what the link implies, Sylviane Donnio is the name of the author, not the child.

What’s translucent, tart, and transient? Wait, don’t answer that, you sick, sick reader. It’s sour cherries, today in the Seattle Times.

I wrote this piece at my own peril: there are so few sour cherries on the Seattle market each year that this article could actually drive up the price. “Oh, I’m sure we can get all the sour cherries we need this summer for under $100,” I said to Laurie. She didn’t find this comforting.

*Guest post by Wendy Burton.*

Usually only registered Girl Scouts are eligible to earn Girl Scout insignia; in this case, however, an exception will be made. Provide documentation of activities to receive your merit badge.

**Rampin’ It Up**

Complete 6 activities, including the two starred.

1. Ramps have been eaten throughout history by many different groups of people. Find at least two different countries where ramps have been popular. How are ramps prepared in those countries? ∗

2. Some people have used ramps for medicine! Find out if ramps are a healthy food. What nutrients do they have? What illnesses did people think they cured?

3. Ramps grow wild, but they are also cultivated. Where are ramps grown in your area? What is the growing season? If you can, talk to someone who grows ramps. Find out when they are planted and harvested, and what kind of soil is best.

4. Visit a restaurant and try a dish cooked with ramps. How are they used? Is the flavor strong or mild? If you can, talk to the chef. Ask her what her favorite way of preparing ramps is.

5. Many different foods can be cooked with ramps. Find at least two recipes using ramps in a cookbook or on the Internet (always ask permission before using the Internet!), and prepare one for your family. ∗

6. Ramps are similar to other foods that many of us are more familiar with, such as garlic, onions, and leeks. Find a recipe that calls for one of these things and substitute ramps. Ask your family to decide which they like better.

7. Experiment! Come up with your own ramps recipe. Share it with others by giving copies to friends or posting on the Internet, with permission.

8. Share ramps with someone who may never have had the chance to eat them. Invite a friend or relative over on an evening when you are cooking ramps.

9. Teach others what you have learned about ramps by sharing your knowledge with younger children. Make sure to include samples!

10. Share what you’ve learned by writing a feature article about ramps. Send it to your newspaper’s food editor, or with help from your parents, post it on a blog.