Last year, my local Starbucks location slated to close. Okay, “my local Starbucks” is a joke, since there are five Starbucks within a short walk of my house. Anyway, one of them was put on the closure list.

Instead of closing, however, it shut down for a couple of weeks and has now reopened as 15th Avenue Coffee & Tea, “your local coffeehouse.” (Here’s [a Seattle P-I story about the place](http://www.seattlepi.com/local/408407_starbucks24.html), along with [great photos by Josh Trujillo](http://www.seattlepi.com/photos/gallery.asp?SubID=4969&page=1&gtitle=15th%20Avenue%20Coffee%20%26%20Tea&pubdate=7/23/09).) Among my neighbors, this is going over about as well as a gorilla dressing up in a suit and trying to convince you that he is really human, honest.

To design 15th Avenue Coffee & Tea, Starbucks employees spent months hanging out in the other coffee and tea places on 15th, as well as bars like [Smith](http://www.smithseattle.com/), taking notes. No, seriously. In a related development, I have John Updike peeking over my shoulder right now to see how a *real* independent writer does his thing. (What, John Updike is dead? Okay, maybe it’s Philip Roth.)

I went to check the place out this morning, and I was too impatient to wait on line, but I enjoyed the well-choreographed protest going on outside. There was a guy dressed up as Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz and a couple of women in green aprons, welcoming you to “the first local coffeehouse ever on Capitol Hill.” I went in to take a look around, and on the way out, the Schultz-alike asked, “How was the smell? Did we get that right? It was a point of contention down at the main office. I mean the LOCAL office.”

Don’t get me wrong–I don’t hate the new place. I think it injects a needed bit of whimsy into the local coffee landscape. The local places I frequent seem worried. I don’t think they need to be. Authenticity is really hard to fake, no matter how talented your clipboard guys are. Some people don’t care about authenticity, of course, but *those people were already going to the Starbucks.*

Oh, one postscript: the new Fauxbucks serves beer and wine. In 2005, I wrote [an article about drinking beer at coffeehouses](http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/pacificnw09252005/taste.html). In it, I said:

> It will not surprise you to learn that no Starbucks locations serve beer, and a spokeswoman chuckled when I suggested it.

Who’s laughing now?

If you live in Seattle or have access to the Internet, you have the opportunity to hear or see me in the next couple of weeks. If you have already heard and seen enough of me, don’t worry! The book promotion is winding down and I can go back to whatever it is I usually do, at least until the paperback comes out and it all begins again.

All times PDT.

**July 21, 2009, 9am:** Appearing live (call in!) on [Radio WD](http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Entertainment/Radio-WD-Our-New-Radio-Show!.html), Woman’s Day magazine’s podcast.

**July 22, 2009, 6pm-9pm, Palace Ballroom (Seattle):** “Foodportunity” with Mina Williams, Nancy Leson, Rebekah Denn, Ronald Holden. $25.

**August 3, 2009, 6:30pm, King Cat Theater:** [Ignite Seattle](http://www.igniteseattle.com/). I will tell you everything there is to know about baby food in 20 slides and 5 minutes. Free admission.

**August 4, 2009, 10am, Barnes & Noble (University Village, Seattle):** Storytime for kids. I’ll be reading from some of my favorite kids’ books.

**August 19, 2009, 6:30pm, [Ballard branch library](http://www.spl.org/default.asp?pageID=branch_open&branchID=3).** Reading and signing, brought to you by SPL and [Secret Garden Books](http://www.secretgardenbooks.com/).

Smelt season is back. I was at Uwajimaya yesterday and there they were, beautiful silver smelt, some with roe, for $2.79/lb. Iris has been asking for smelt as her pick of the week every week for like two months, so I’m glad they’re finally here.

Cooking smelt could not be more simple. You can clean the fish but you don’t have to. Dredge in flour and fry in oil over medium-high heat for two to three minutes per side, until crispy. Eat whole. They’re the fish equivalent of French fries. Iris and I absolutely love them.

Did you know there’s *another* book about feeding kids, with stories and recipes, that *also* has a chapter about Cornish pasties? It’s true, and this book has four kids in it instead of one. [Too Many Cooks](http://www.amazon.com/dp/1401340830/?tag=mamstesgrubshack), by Emily Franklin. I won’t spoil my favorite quote from one of her kids, but it’s the one where he accuses Mom of trying to kill him.

And for anyone who missed it last time, [The Dinner Diaries](http://www.amazon.com/dp/1565125703/?tag=mamstesgrubshack) by Betsy Block is still funny and believable, if health-foodish (which helps make it believable).

Meanwhile, if you’re still interested in _Hungry Monkey,_ which is hard to imagine, you have three more opportunities to see me, and then I am going back into my lead-lined sarcophagus.

* June 18, 2009, 5pm-6pm, Queen Anne Farmers Market (corner of Queen Anne Ave and Crockett): Signing.

* July 11, 2009, 10am, University District Farmers Market (Seattle): Cooking demo.

* July 22, 2009, 6pm-9pm, Palace Ballroom: “Foodportunity” with Mina Williams, Nancy Leson, Rebekah Denn, Ronald Holden. $25. [Buy tickets](http://www.foodportunity.com/).

It would be inaccurate to say that I wrote my book with the intention of receiving free bacon. But I did not turn away the package that arrived this week from Nueske’s, containing four pounds of bacon, a Nueske’s hat, and a personal note from Tanya Nueske.

My next book will be about how much I love gold doubloons.