One of my favorite cookies is the carmelita, a 1968 Pillsbury Bake Off winner. I usually get them at Whole Foods, but the quality control isn’t great. I’ve often been known to fault them for poor structural integrity.

So, sometimes when Kraft caramels go on sale, I make carmelitas at home. The problem is, when you bring home a bag of Kraft caramels, you have to eat a few, and the usual recipe calls for a whole bag. Actually, the modern recipe calls for jarred caramel sauce, but my rule is that if you don’t put in the time unwrapping each caramel, you don’t deserve the carmelitas. Unless you get them at Whole Foods. You deserve everything at Whole Foods, because you’re awesome! I find loud music is best while unwrapping caramels.

Anyway, I was delighted to find a recipe on the net that calls for three-quarters of a bag of caramels. You can see how this recipe was developed. I made it, and the carmelitas were a little gooey, but there certainly weren’t any leftovers. Awesome!

**OATMEAL CARMELITA BARS**
Makes 16 bars

CRUST:
1 cup flour
1 cup quick cooking oats
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 cup butter, melted

FILLING:
1 cup (6 oz.) chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped pecans
3/4 bag caramels melted with 1/4 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine all ingredients for the crust. Stir well to form crumbs.
Place 1/2 of crumbs into the bottom of a 9-inch square pan. [*I used an 8-inch pan and it was fine.*] Bake for 10 minutes. Sprinkle with chocolate chips and pecans. Pour
caramel mix over chocolate pieces and pecans. Sprinkle with remaining
crumb mixture. Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool 1 to 2
hours. Cut into 16 bars.

I will try any new flavor of corn chip, no matter how stupid. Black Pepper Jack? Sign me up. Dill Pickle? OK.

I’ll try these things *once.* It’s impressively rare for one of these new flavors to become a standard. I do remember when they introduced Cool Ranch. That was a fine day. Also Chili Cheese Fritos. That was an even better day, assuming you were stoned.

Long story short, I brought home a back of Blazing Buffalo and Ranch Doritos. (Why not just “Blazing Buffalo Ranch”?) I wasn’t expecting much. The Black Pepper Jack is pretty terrible. But these are great. It’s basically Cool Ranch, only spicy. If there were a ballot, I’d vote to keep them. But, then, I would have voted to keep many other things, like Hershey’s Cookies and Mint Nuggets, the Monorail, and Wonderfalls, so the powers that be obviously aren’t counting my vote. Therefore, grab these Buffalo-style chips while you can.

Labels for Locals is a new book about *demonyms.* Apparently, a demonym is the name given to the people from a certain place, like how people from Manchester are Mancunians. I didn’t think I would learn something important about my own state from the book, but…

> **Washington.** *Washingtonian.* … At the turn of the century and well into this century, the name *Clam Grabber* was used because of the fact that Washingtonians gather vast quantities of clams annually from the shallow waters of Puget Sound.

Okay, probably he’s talking about the turn of the 20th century, but next time someone asks where I’m from, I’ll say, “I’m a Clam Grabber.” When they say, “Huh?” I will pull some clams out of my knapsack to illustrate.

Actually, I guess they’ll know where I’m from as soon as they smell the clams.