At the risk of starting some kind of coast-vs-coast blogbath, I’ve got to say that the West Coast rules. The weather is great, the produce is perfection, and I’ve heard that we have girls in bikinis. Big celebrities like Jerry Cantrell and Yanni don’t live here for nothing.
However, the West Coast has a big problem: they don’t sell Pepperidge Farm bread here. Pepperidge Farm bread is basically Wonder Bread, but available in more textures and varieties, such as the mighty Toasting White. Cook’s Illustrated is always calling for Toasting White, with no substitution given. Pampered Boston socialites.
When we lived in New York, we used to buy something even better than Toasting White: Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Swirl bread. Lots of companies make cinnamon swirl bread, but the key here is that it contained no raisins. Cinnamon raisin bread is okay, but without raisins it’s really something special. I just looked on the P.F. web site, and apparently the slogan for the swirl bread is “Everything Else is Toast”™. Belligerent, perhaps, but so true.
Yesterday I was at QFC and noticed that they shelve certain flavored breads near the English muffins. Among these I saw something that shocked and delighted me: Franz Bainbridge Island Cinnamon Swirl bread. With no raisins. (Many Franz breads are named after places in the Northwest, such as San Juan Island, Cannon Beach, and Hanford Nuclear Waste Cleanup Facility.) It also has a light streusel topping, which can’t hurt.
I brought home the loaf, of course, and we have about four slices left. As I recall, this always happened with the Pepperidge Farm, too. The Franz is just as good. Now the West Coast is back on top, so if you’ve got a beef, let’s settle it Bainbridge Island style, by busting rhymes and flinging slices of toast at each other.
Damn. I wish people actually did that.
“The weather is great”? Is that what you’re sayin’?
Seattle is known for nothin’ but rain!
If damp and discomfort is what you like best,
I guess you would like the Pacific Northwest.
Here in New England, we’ve got quite a mix:
With sun, rain, and snowstorms, we all get our kicks.
It’s wild, it’s dynamic, it’s never the same,
And it’s so much better than nothin’ but rain.
You can keep your swirl bread, we’ve had it for years,
Plus we’ve got Freihofer’s, and New England beers.
You ain’t got nothin’ to match Magic Hat,
And Sam Adams’ seasonals kick it like that.
So before you go dissin’ your East Coast readers,
Stop and consider who’s the real leaders.
The West Coast is fine, if you visit and roam,
But the East Coast is where the cool kids call home!
A funeral for Ryan Freebern, cut down in a hail of toast, will be held today. The family has asked that donations be made to the Pepperidge Farm Foundation, which provides swirl bread to needy families.
If you ever find yourself passing Cle Elum while on I-90, STOP! The bakery there (there’s only one) has the best cinnamon bread ever, and you can get it either with or without raisins.