btw, we haven’t met, but I’m a Seattle friend of Stacy C’s. hi. :)

1) I try to serve food that she’ll like or at least not hate, based on her last known preferences, while still having a protein and if at all possible a vegetable. This is periodically foiled by sudden changes in what she thinks she hates, but works more often than not. Once in a while I will make something complicated for the other three members of the family which I’m pretty sure Claire will balk at, and then I may prepare an easy alternative up front.

2) If, as sometimes happens, I’m not cooking for the family but am preparing a quick meal just for Claire, or Claire and her sister, I try to give her a choice of two healthy things: (‘Would you like carrots or broccoli with your ranch dressing?’ ‘Do you want a tuna sandwich or grilled cheese?’) Psychologically, if she’s actively chosen something, she’s a little less likely to fuss about it than if it’s just presented to her. I don’t, however, cater to demands for different food after the meal is served, other than condiments. (And I had to get over taking it personally when she smothers the whole meal in ketchup.)

3) Unless she’s obviously sick, she’s required to eat a certain minimum amount of food at dinner, largely because that (and weekend lunch) is the only meal we can control, and we know she usually eats no more than about two bites of lunch at school. Because of 1) and 2) it’s rare that none of the served options appeal to her, so getting eight or ten bites of something down her is seldom an issue now. After this minimum is met, she’s allowed to stop if she wants — but rarely does, because:

4) Dessert is contingent upon eating ‘a good dinner’ — a larger amount of healthy food than the bare minimum, usually about 2-3 servings total. This is a Big Motivating Factor, though the loss of dessert is extremely upsetting to her, so it’s a double-edged sword. We sometimes allow within-meal substitutions, like if she really, really seems to hate the fish, but is eating the green beans okay, I might say that she can eat double the green beans and skip the rest of the fish. We also allow her to ‘take a break’ and come back later to finish dinner if she can’t eat it now but really wants to qualify for dessert.

That pretty much covers where we ended up after several years of trial-and-error. She’s eight now, and dinner is a struggle maybe half the time but very seldom a war … which is a lot better than it was. We’ve sort of met in the middle.

We just have to roll with the punched on this one…

Wait, Laurie has annoying habits? do tell…